{"id":737,"date":"2023-01-08T19:24:13","date_gmt":"2023-01-08T18:24:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/?p=737"},"modified":"2023-02-03T17:26:50","modified_gmt":"2023-02-03T16:26:50","slug":"fan-fiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/fan-fiction\/","title":{"rendered":"Fan fiction"},"content":{"rendered":"[et_pb_section admin_label=”section”]\n\t\t\t[et_pb_row admin_label=”row”]\n\t\t\t\t[et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”]\r\n

Can a third-generation Bertie Wooster get out of his impending marriage to Penny Dreadful? Only Jeeves, great-great-nephew of the original famous Jeeves, can save the day<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

THERE WAS NO TIME TO LOSE. \u201cJeeves!\u201d I called out. \u201cJeeves!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He was in the front sitting room. I burst through the door like an\u00a0express\u00a0train\u00a0being chased by rocket in an angry mood. I mean, I\u2019d never seen\u00a0an express\u00a0train burst through a door, but I was in one once.\u00a0If something could burst through the door like Bertram Wooster III did just now, it would be an express train in fear of its life. I imagine steam was even coming out of my ears.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cYes, Sir?\u201d My man Jeeves was, as ever, as cool as a slice of cucumber in a freshly-made glass of Pims. He was busy, standing on a\u00a0stepladder and calmly adjusting a philodendron in the corner.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves!\u201d I said. \u201cThis is no time to be fraternising with foliage!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He climbed down from the ladder and came to face me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got a devil of a crisis!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir?\u201d said Jeeves. He glanced back in the corner at the philodendron as though, in a housefire, it would be the first thing he would protect.\u00a0Sherlock Holmes said that once, and I\u2019ve no doubt he was right on the money. I mean, that in case of fire the first thing you glance at is your baby, or something like that. Baby being a metaphor for the philodendron you might like to save.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cThis is no time to be worrying over houseplants, Jeeves! We\u2019ve got a crisis on our hands!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Really, the man could sometimes be infuriating. If I didn\u2019t know he had the brainpower of a supercomputer, I\u2019d think the man was a bit dim. But, like his great-great-uncle Jeeves, who used to be the valet of my great-great-grandfather Bertram Wooster \u2013 the first, although his parents didn\u2019t know it at the time they named him \u2013 he had oodles of the grey stuff between the ears. Much more than most people would know what to do with.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cPay attention, Jeeves! I need your help. Otherwise, I\u2019ll find myself walking down the aisle with Penny Dreadful!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cMiss Penelope Purbright? I was not aware there was such a closeness, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNor was I, Jeeves. But she seems to think I have proposed tying the knot.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

‘Dearest Bertie, I’d love to go down the aisle with you! Your love-bunny, Penny’<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cAnd this was not your intention, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed not! I was just tootling out of the Drones Club, thinking how jolly it would be to get another jar or two into me before returning\u00a0home\u00a0for a bracing whiskey and soda and the sleep of the innocent. So I sent old Pongo a test message, asking him to come down for an ale.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cAnd did Mr Pendragon involve you somehow with Miss Purbright, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, the bally Mr Pongo never showed up! So I had my pint of ale and came home for the evening ritual as usual. But I\u2019ve just woken up to see this message: \u2018Dearest Bertie, I\u2019d love to go down the aisle with you! Yes, let\u2019s get married, the sooner the better. Your one and only love-bunny Penny\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cMost disturbing, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cShe must have intercepted my text message to Pongo, and read it wrong or something.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves\u00a0glanced back\u00a0at\u00a0his old pal\u00a0the philodendron,\u00a0making sure it was still there and hadn\u2019t fainted from shock.\u00a0Then\u00a0he turned\u00a0back\u00a0to\u00a0me. \u201cStrange things do happen, Sir.\u00a0If I might be so bold\u00a0as to\u00a0to ask to have a look at your mobile phone?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

‘Jeeves, this is no time to be making eyes at potted plants!’<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cDo, Jeeves, and have it sent back off to the company or\u00a0Elon Musk\u00a0or wherever it came from. There\u2019s something wrong with it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

He took the thing off me\u00a0gingerly\u00a0like it was\u00a0a\u00a0dead but particularly interesting-looking\u00a0newt\u00a0and stared at the screen. Then he looked back around at the philodendron and raised an eyebrow at it.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves, this is no time to be making eyes at potted plants!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, indeed. If you\u2019ll permit me, Sir, I notice that there seems to have been a miscommunication. Your text message was mispelt, no doubt due to the peculiarities of the autocorrect function. It asks the recipient to come down the aisle with you. And perhaps for the same reason it was\u00a0mistakenly\u00a0sent\u00a0not to Mr Pendragon but\u00a0to Miss Purbright, who thought you wished to lead her down the church aisle to matrimony.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cGosh, Jeeves, what am I going to do?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Dashed if my man Jeeves didn\u2019t turn around and look at that philodendron again like he expected to find an answer hanging\u00a0there\u00a0like\u00a0ripe fruit.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat are you staring at?\u201d I roared at Jeeves. I looked at the plant. There was nothing particularly notable about the\u00a0damned\u00a0thing. It was green and tall, just like a philodendron should be, if it plays its cards right.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ll permit me to explain, Sir,\u201d Jeeves said, and then did a rummy thing. He stared back at the plant, raised that eyebrow again, and said to it: \u201cI think it\u2019s time, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cTime?\u00a0Time for what?\u00a0I\u2019m the one with the problem, not the bally plant!\u201d I shouted. \u201cI don\u2019t imagine it would mind being eternally bonded to Penny Dreadful. I mean, she\u2019d probably water it with vodka, but maybe that would be a welcome change for it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

‘\u201cHave you indeed?\u201d And I meant it to sting’<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ll take a closer look, Sir, you\u2019ll see that here, just under this upper leaf, there is a small video camera. I have for some time been filming our interactions, as I believe\u00a0they are of significant\u00a0educational benefit for the greater masses. So our conversations and problem-solving encounters are being\u00a0streamed\u00a0straight to the TikTok\u00a0video application\u00a0and watched in real time by millions of the deserving public, eager for instruction.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I was dumbstruck. I mean, what? What? And I retorted in no uncertain terms: \u201cI mean \u2026 I say \u2026 what? What?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI have for some time been quite sure that you would find this practice entertaining and profitable.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cOh, have you, Jeeves?\u00a0Have you indeed?\u201d\u00a0And I meant it to sting.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI should mention that you have now become an international\u00a0TikTok\u00a0star. I \u2013 we \u2013 have millions of\u00a0followers, Sir.\u00a0Fans\u00a0who are keen to watch and learn. This also means that I \u2013 we \u2013 have attracted a great volume of sponsorship.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat the bally heck are you babbling about, Jeeves?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cYour internet stardom has attracted the attention of purveyors of many luxury goods, who would be very happy to offer you a gift or the use of their products if you would care to demonstrate them in your video channel.\u00a0You have, Sir, become an Influencer.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat are you drivelling about?\u201d I said, then paused, as what Jeeves said entered the old grey matter and sank in. \u201cWhat luxury goods?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJust this morning, Sir, I received a request from a representative at Maserati car manufacturers. They were very intent upon offering you the use of a vehicle from their house for a limited amount of time.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cHow limited?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cThey suggested a month, but I convinced them that nothing under a year would be acceptable to a gentleman of your standing.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I thought about this. I mean, sometimes Jeeves gets a bit too big for his breeches and oversteps the boundaries of valet something or other, valet-ness. On the other hand, his big brain does get me out of the odd scrape that fate dishes up.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cBut what about this marriage with Penny Dreadful?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves gave a gentle cough.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I believe that it has already been cancelled, Sir. This episode is still currently streaming and\u00a0\u2026 \u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My mobile phone pinged\u00a0with\u00a0a\u00a0text message.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf I\u2019m not much mistaken, that\u00a0will be\u00a0Miss Purbright now, retracting her acceptance. You see, this episode \u2013 interlude \u2013 has already been streamed to your millions of fans. No doubt Miss Purbright \u2026\u00a0\u201dJeeves glanced down at the screen. \u201cYes,\u00a0she has done it.\u00a0Shall I read it out to you, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

‘The hashtag #PennyDreadful is now number 2 in the trending list’<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cCertainly not! I\u2019ll take your word for it. Just delete the whole thing. Delete her from the phone entirely.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid I can\u2019t delete her entirely, Sir. She is one of your three million followers.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cEven though she now knows that I call her Penny Dreadful?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves coughed delicately and handed the phone back to me. \u201cThe hashtag search term #PennyDreadful is now number two in the trending list. And I believe she has just changed the name of her Twitter identity to match that epithet.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cBut she still doesn\u2019t want to marry me?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cA narrow escape, Jeeves.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I peered up into the philodendron. It wasn\u2019t such a bad old plant, really. \u201cWill Maserati throw in some leather motoring gloves and goggles?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure they can be prevailed upon to provide them.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWell, sign us up, then! When can they deliver?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI believe the car is waiting for you outside the front door, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

What can I say? \u201cJeeves,\u201d I said, \u201cyou\u2019re one in a million.\u201d I turned to Philly the Philodendron. \u201cOne in a million!\u201d I repeated.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves turned to the plant as well, and a corner of his mouth just flickered, but then maybe I was imagining it. He looked back at me. \u201cThank you, Sir. I aim to give satisfaction.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u2022 A version of this story first appeared in the anglophone German magazine <\/em>Spotlight in October 2020<\/em><\/p>\r\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column]\n\t\t\t[\/et_pb_row]\n\t\t[\/et_pb_section]","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can a third-generation Bertie Wooster get out of his impending marriage to Penny Dreadful? Only Jeeves, great-great-nephew of the original famous Jeeves, can save the day THERE WAS NO TIME TO LOSE. \u201cJeeves!\u201d I called out. \u201cJeeves!\u201d \u201cSir?\u201d He was in the front sitting room. I burst through the door like an\u00a0express\u00a0train\u00a0being chased by rocket […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":736,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"\r\n

Can a third-generation Bertie Wooster get out of his impending marriage to Penny Dreadful? Only Jeeves, great-great-nephew of the original famous Jeeves, can save the day<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

THERE WAS NO TIME TO LOSE. \u201cJeeves!\u201d I called out. \u201cJeeves!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He was in the front sitting room. I burst through the door like an\u00a0express\u00a0train\u00a0being chased by rocket in an angry mood. I mean, I\u2019d never seen\u00a0an express\u00a0train burst through a door, but I was in one once.\u00a0If something could burst through the door like Bertram Wooster III did just now, it would be an express train in fear of its life. I imagine steam was even coming out of my ears.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cYes, Sir?\u201d My man Jeeves was, as ever, as cool as a slice of cucumber in a freshly-made glass of Pims. He was busy, standing on a\u00a0stepladder and calmly adjusting a philodendron in the corner.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves!\u201d I said. \u201cThis is no time to be fraternising with foliage!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He climbed down from the ladder and came to face me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got a devil of a crisis!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir?\u201d said Jeeves. He glanced back in the corner at the philodendron as though, in a housefire, it would be the first thing he would protect.\u00a0Sherlock Holmes said that once, and I\u2019ve no doubt he was right on the money. I mean, that in case of fire the first thing you glance at is your baby, or something like that. Baby being a metaphor for the philodendron you might like to save.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cThis is no time to be worrying over houseplants, Jeeves! We\u2019ve got a crisis on our hands!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Really, the man could sometimes be infuriating. If I didn\u2019t know he had the brainpower of a supercomputer, I\u2019d think the man was a bit dim. But, like his great-great-uncle Jeeves, who used to be the valet of my great-great-grandfather Bertram Wooster \u2013 the first, although his parents didn\u2019t know it at the time they named him \u2013 he had oodles of the grey stuff between the ears. Much more than most people would know what to do with.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cPay attention, Jeeves! I need your help. Otherwise, I\u2019ll find myself walking down the aisle with Penny Dreadful!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cMiss Penelope Purbright? I was not aware there was such a closeness, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNor was I, Jeeves. But she seems to think I have proposed tying the knot.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

'Dearest Bertie, I'd love to go down the aisle with you! Your love-bunny, Penny'<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cAnd this was not your intention, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed not! I was just tootling out of the Drones Club, thinking how jolly it would be to get another jar or two into me before returning\u00a0home\u00a0for a bracing whiskey and soda and the sleep of the innocent. So I sent old Pongo a test message, asking him to come down for an ale.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cAnd did Mr Pendragon involve you somehow with Miss Purbright, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, the bally Mr Pongo never showed up! So I had my pint of ale and came home for the evening ritual as usual. But I\u2019ve just woken up to see this message: \u2018Dearest Bertie, I\u2019d love to go down the aisle with you! Yes, let\u2019s get married, the sooner the better. Your one and only love-bunny Penny\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cMost disturbing, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cShe must have intercepted my text message to Pongo, and read it wrong or something.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves\u00a0glanced back\u00a0at\u00a0his old pal\u00a0the philodendron,\u00a0making sure it was still there and hadn\u2019t fainted from shock.\u00a0Then\u00a0he turned\u00a0back\u00a0to\u00a0me. \u201cStrange things do happen, Sir.\u00a0If I might be so bold\u00a0as to\u00a0to ask to have a look at your mobile phone?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

'Jeeves, this is no time to be making eyes at potted plants!'<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cDo, Jeeves, and have it sent back off to the company or\u00a0Elon Musk\u00a0or wherever it came from. There\u2019s something wrong with it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

He took the thing off me\u00a0gingerly\u00a0like it was\u00a0a\u00a0dead but particularly interesting-looking\u00a0newt\u00a0and stared at the screen. Then he looked back around at the philodendron and raised an eyebrow at it.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJeeves, this is no time to be making eyes at potted plants!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, indeed. If you\u2019ll permit me, Sir, I notice that there seems to have been a miscommunication. Your text message was mispelt, no doubt due to the peculiarities of the autocorrect function. It asks the recipient to come down the aisle with you. And perhaps for the same reason it was\u00a0mistakenly\u00a0sent\u00a0not to Mr Pendragon but\u00a0to Miss Purbright, who thought you wished to lead her down the church aisle to matrimony.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cGosh, Jeeves, what am I going to do?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Dashed if my man Jeeves didn\u2019t turn around and look at that philodendron again like he expected to find an answer hanging\u00a0there\u00a0like\u00a0ripe fruit.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat are you staring at?\u201d I roared at Jeeves. I looked at the plant. There was nothing particularly notable about the\u00a0damned\u00a0thing. It was green and tall, just like a philodendron should be, if it plays its cards right.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ll permit me to explain, Sir,\u201d Jeeves said, and then did a rummy thing. He stared back at the plant, raised that eyebrow again, and said to it: \u201cI think it\u2019s time, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cTime?\u00a0Time for what?\u00a0I\u2019m the one with the problem, not the bally plant!\u201d I shouted. \u201cI don\u2019t imagine it would mind being eternally bonded to Penny Dreadful. I mean, she\u2019d probably water it with vodka, but maybe that would be a welcome change for it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

'\u201cHave you indeed?\u201d And I meant it to sting'<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf you\u2019ll take a closer look, Sir, you\u2019ll see that here, just under this upper leaf, there is a small video camera. I have for some time been filming our interactions, as I believe\u00a0they are of significant\u00a0educational benefit for the greater masses. So our conversations and problem-solving encounters are being\u00a0streamed\u00a0straight to the TikTok\u00a0video application\u00a0and watched in real time by millions of the deserving public, eager for instruction.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I was dumbstruck. I mean, what? What? And I retorted in no uncertain terms: \u201cI mean \u2026 I say \u2026 what? What?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI have for some time been quite sure that you would find this practice entertaining and profitable.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cOh, have you, Jeeves?\u00a0Have you indeed?\u201d\u00a0And I meant it to sting.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI should mention that you have now become an international\u00a0TikTok\u00a0star. I \u2013 we \u2013 have millions of\u00a0followers, Sir.\u00a0Fans\u00a0who are keen to watch and learn. This also means that I \u2013 we \u2013 have attracted a great volume of sponsorship.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat the bally heck are you babbling about, Jeeves?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cYour internet stardom has attracted the attention of purveyors of many luxury goods, who would be very happy to offer you a gift or the use of their products if you would care to demonstrate them in your video channel.\u00a0You have, Sir, become an Influencer.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWhat are you drivelling about?\u201d I said, then paused, as what Jeeves said entered the old grey matter and sank in. \u201cWhat luxury goods?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cJust this morning, Sir, I received a request from a representative at Maserati car manufacturers. They were very intent upon offering you the use of a vehicle from their house for a limited amount of time.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cHow limited?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cThey suggested a month, but I convinced them that nothing under a year would be acceptable to a gentleman of your standing.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I thought about this. I mean, sometimes Jeeves gets a bit too big for his breeches and oversteps the boundaries of valet something or other, valet-ness. On the other hand, his big brain does get me out of the odd scrape that fate dishes up.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cBut what about this marriage with Penny Dreadful?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves gave a gentle cough.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I believe that it has already been cancelled, Sir. This episode is still currently streaming and\u00a0\u2026 \u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My mobile phone pinged\u00a0with\u00a0a\u00a0text message.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIf I\u2019m not much mistaken, that\u00a0will be\u00a0Miss Purbright now, retracting her acceptance. You see, this episode \u2013 interlude \u2013 has already been streamed to your millions of fans. No doubt Miss Purbright \u2026\u00a0\u201dJeeves glanced down at the screen. \u201cYes,\u00a0she has done it.\u00a0Shall I read it out to you, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n

'The hashtag #PennyDreadful is now number 2 in the trending list'<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cCertainly not! I\u2019ll take your word for it. Just delete the whole thing. Delete her from the phone entirely.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid I can\u2019t delete her entirely, Sir. She is one of your three million followers.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cEven though she now knows that I call her Penny Dreadful?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves coughed delicately and handed the phone back to me. \u201cThe hashtag search term #PennyDreadful is now number two in the trending list. And I believe she has just changed the name of her Twitter identity to match that epithet.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cBut she still doesn\u2019t want to marry me?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cNo, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cA narrow escape, Jeeves.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cIndeed, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I peered up into the philodendron. It wasn\u2019t such a bad old plant, really. \u201cWill Maserati throw in some leather motoring gloves and goggles?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure they can be prevailed upon to provide them.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWell, sign us up, then! When can they deliver?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cI believe the car is waiting for you outside the front door, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

What can I say? \u201cJeeves,\u201d I said, \u201cyou\u2019re one in a million.\u201d I turned to Philly the Philodendron. \u201cOne in a million!\u201d I repeated.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jeeves turned to the plant as well, and a corner of his mouth just flickered, but then maybe I was imagining it. He looked back at me. \u201cThank you, Sir. I aim to give satisfaction.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u2022 A version of this story first appeared in the anglophone German magazine <\/em>Spotlight in October 2020<\/em><\/p>\r\n","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-sketches"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=737"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1319,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions\/1319"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}