AFTER a few minutes of pretending to admire the paintings on the wall of the HR reception office, Mark went back to the front desk. \u201cSo,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it will only be a moment,\u201d said Cynthia, without looking away from her computer screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really like your artwork,\u201d Mark said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks.\u201d She smiled politely towards her\u00a0screen while continuing to\u00a0type. Then her computer\u00a0pinged. \u201cRobert can see you now,\u201d she said. \u201cYou can just walk in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Robert, the head of HR, watched Mark enter with a big, sunny smile. \u201cMark,\u201d he said, \u201cit\u2019s so good to see you! You\u2019re looking remarkably well today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks,\u201d said Mark. \u201cYou\u2019re looking very well, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just can\u2019t believe how terrific you look,\u201d said Robert. \u201cDo you know what? I\u2019m going to do a selfie of us both.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cErm\u2026\u201d muttered Mark, as Robert jumped up from his chair and ran around the desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cSmile!\u201d said Robert, as he put his arm around Mark\u2019s shoulders and held out his smartphone in front of them.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook at that! Gorgeous! I\u2019m going to put that on our Twitter feed,\u201d said Robert.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow. Brilliant,\u201d said Mark. \u201cBut I\u2019m thinking you didn\u2019t call me in today to take a selfie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGod, you\u2019re clever,\u201d said Robert. \u201cThat\u2019s why I can see really big things for you in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can? Yes, I mean, that\u2019s what hard work and commitment are for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake a seat, Mark,\u201d said Robert, gesturing\u00a0to a chair. \u201cI can\u2019t tell you how impressed we are with your forward-thinking, proactive contribution to our company. You\u2019ve entered the left lane and left everyone behind you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, thanks\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat why I feel very strongly about your future. I know you\u2019re going to do great things. And in order to facilitate you, I\u2019m going to see to it that you have a lot more flexibility. We\u2019re ensuring that you aren\u2019t hampered by your current position so that you can feel free to pursue new goals.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cErm\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m delighted to be able to launch you into phase two of your career. This is a proud day for us both, Mark. Once you\u2019ve been cut loose, I can see you rocketing into action.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cErm, hold on, Robert. Are you saying I\u2019m being made redundant?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Mark, we\u2019re promoting you to customer. I am so happy to be able to deliver a solution that will bring us both the greatest profits.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut\u2026 but\u2026,\u201d Mark stammered. \u201cBut, Robert, you know my wife just had twins\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDouble return,\u201d said Robert. \u201cGod, Mark, you\u2019re an action man everywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRobert, you\u2019ve just made me unemployed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll be skiing off-piste.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDammit, Robert, are you listening to me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis won\u2019t be taking effect until the end of the month,\u201d said Robert. \u201cOh, sorry. I meant the end of the week. Strap it on for a while, see what you think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStrap this on, you bastard!\u201d Mark leapt out of his chair and threw a hard punch into Robert\u2019s handsome square jaw. Mark expected (and half-hoped) that Robert would punch him back. Instead, Robert\u2019s head spun around full circle and snapped back into place, then he fell sideways down on the desk, eyes open, still smiling.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoly shit,\u201d said Mark as Robert convulsed on his desk.<\/p>\n
Cynthia entered. \u201cOh, dear.\u201d She walked over to her boss, who lay in spasms on his desk. \u201cHe\u2019s late for his check up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs he OK?\u201d said Mark. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, I\u2026 I don\u2019t know what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou punched him. They all do.\u201d Cynthia placed her hand on Robert\u2019s neck to check his pulse. But she didn\u2019t. Instead, she lifted open a flap of skin. Beneath it, little lights flashed. \u201cHe badly needs to be reprogrammed.\u201d She pressed a few switches inside Robert\u2019s neck, and his body slumped before coming back into life. \u201cThere. I\u2019ve rebooted him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo\u2026\u201d Mark stuttered. \u201cWait. So Robert is actually Robot?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, that\u2019s right. It works much better that way,\u201d said Cynthia, checking her watch. \u201cHe\u2019ll be up and running in about 90 seconds.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI always thought he seemed a bit unnatural.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s much better not to get too personally involved,\u201d said Cynthia.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo,\u201d said Mark, \u201care you a robot, too?\u201d<\/p>\n
A voice came from Robot\u2019s mouth. \u201cDon\u2019t be silly,\u201d he said. \u201cLook at that gorgeous arse. I\u2019d like to slap it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, dear,\u201d said Cynthia, reaching back for Robot\u2019s neck controls. \u201cThis often happens. The experimental 1950s vocabulary tends to assert itself after a violent trauma. I\u2019ll just boot him up again.\u201d She operated the switches, and Robot slumped once more.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, by the way,\u201d she said, without looking up from Robot. \u201cYour redundancy papers are on my desk. Would you pick them up on your way out? Don\u2019t forget to sign for them.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A version of t<\/em>his\u00a0story originally appeared in the German magazine\u00a0<\/em>Spotlight<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" AFTER a few minutes of pretending to admire the paintings on the wall of the HR reception office, Mark went back to the front desk. \u201cSo,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m sure it will only be a moment,\u201d said Cynthia, without looking away from her computer screen. \u201cI really like your artwork,\u201d Mark said. \u201cThanks.\u201d She smiled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=228"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions\/232"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christine-madden.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}